It has been a while since my last post and I'm not exactly sure why. I have had several things to write about. Each time I thought about putting something on this on-line journal I just couldn't do it. Looking back now, I think it is possible that I was prevented from sharing my thoughts on some topics about life and ministry because I didn't know what was going to unfold in the coming weeks and months.
In my pursuit for full-time employment I have looked a lot at church ministries. What many who are ministers would call "the ministry". I love being in a position that allows me to concentrate fully on spiritual matters. However, there are many troubles that I faced as a minister. This might sound crazy, but my biggest problem in ministry was that I didn't minister to many people who didn't have Jesus in their lives. As a Singles Minister I was wrapped in the lives (spiritual and social) of those in my specific ministry. I tried to involve our Lighthouse Ministry in projects that would put us in the lives of the hurting and broken - those who are living in the shadows away from God. Nothing ever seemed to work consistently for that good purpose though.
This time last year I was concluding a study written by Bill Hybels called "Just Walk Across the Room". I had done this study before, but it was good to be refreshed in it and to encourage others with the theme of being intentional about your relationships and telling people about Jesus. As I led this study and thought and prayed about being more intentional about relationships for Jesus I thought about how I wasn't doing that in my job as a minister. I thought about how I could do better. I thought about how I could do much better at "walking across the room" in a secular job. In my opinion, it is easier to talk to people about Jesus if they don't know that you are a minister. Once they learn of your profession, many times the walls go up!
Last summer I started to think about getting back into education. I prayed that God would put me in a position where I would be able to tell more not-yet Christians about His son. He didn't open that door. In fact, the door for a return to education seemed firmly shut! As time went on I continued to minister at the Saturn Road church, but didn't feel I was doing what I needed to be doing. I continued to struggle with the feeling that I wasn't ministering to the people who were without a relationship with Jesus.
In addition to these thoughts I was having about my place in ministry I struggled with spiritual attacks. Honestly, I felt under attack for two of the two and a half years that I ministered at Saturn Road. That was a real problem I had with "the ministry". Unfortunately, not all the people you minister to will respect you or want you. The harsh reality is there are people in church who play games that are ugly and hurtful. I am not cynical, but I do have wounds that are still healing. Ministry is hard and many folks don't take the time to look past the surface of a minister's life to see what they might be dealing with. I have perceived changes in church life, ministry, leadership and direction that make me wonder where "the ministry" might be headed. Frankly, I'm worried.
Remember, I did say that I enjoyed being in a position that allowed my to concentrate fully on spiritual matters. There are some great things about ministry. It is those things that have had me looking for a position with a church or para-church organization for the last 4 months. I want to serve and bless others. During this search, however, I haven't looked at any secular positions. I haven't had any thought about what I could do or where I might start.
A few weeks ago a friend reached out to me. He wanted to take me to lunch, encourage me and visit a little about his business and how the Lord has used it to bless him. My first thought was, "that's nice, but I don't want to do that." I had tunnel vision. I was focused only on getting back into "the ministry". After a couple of weeks I thought more about his invitation. I decided to get together with him just to see what he had to say. Let me say that it went well and I could tell that it was orchestrated by the Lord. I'm not exactly sure how well yet, but I am excited. I was reminded of my prayers to God about reaching those who don't know Jesus through a secular career. I feel that God might be providing something and I am able to watch it unfold. It doesn't happen often that we can see it happening when He is blessing us. Many times we look back months or years later and say "Ohhhh! Now I see!"
My trouble with "the ministry" is that when you are in it you can easily feel like it is the only way to reach the lost. Dan Bouchelle recently had Jonathan Storment write on his blog. The post was very honest and thought provoking. It talks a lot about why Jonathan loves to preach, but goes to the essence of secular ministry. Working in and for a church family is not the only ministry. I pray that if you are a doctor, teacher, real estate agent, grocery store clerk, or restaurant employee that you would see your job... your career as a ministry.
